Here are some blog posts that I started in the past and never finished. There may or may not be a reason why. You decide.
On My Fridge...
On my fridge, there is an ad for the "Told Handyman Service." The slogan says, "No job too small." Is it awful that this makes me want to find a job too small for them?
Hey, Mr. Handyman. Can you screw this screw back into my glasses for me?
Maybe fix the cabinet in my doll house?
I take
Obligatory New Years Post
Let's pretend I am writing this post a week ago
[squiggly lines trippy music flashback flashback flashback...]
Holy (insert thing here) Batman!
The other day (and by the other day, I mean like three months ago or something), I was accused of being a bandwagon Batman fan. I am NOT a bandwagon Batman fan. Batman has always been and will always be my favorite. Let me tell you why, yes?
(Untitled)
On Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I have two classes. Which is pretty nice. I'm done with class at twelve. Which is even nicer. I can't decide which one of these classes I like more. Which is most definitely the nicest.
I'm a Little Obsessed With Comedians
When people are hilarious, I want to be friends with them. Is that so wrong?
The Grapes of Math
I feel that their has been a great injustice in the world. An injustice that I have overlooked for the majority of my life. My eyes were finally opened earlier today.
~~~~~~wiggly flashback nonsense~~~~~~
My husband (oh hey, I'm married! That's what's up!) and I were having lunch and we decided to eat some grapes. I told Josh about one of my favorite comedians talking about this particular fruit. This is what he said:
"My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. Like if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem, you just move on to the next. Grapes: the fruit of hope." - Demetri Martin
END.
All I learned is that I like flashbacks and Batman, and why did I try to explain my class schedule? That's lame. And apparently the New Years post wasn't so obligatory because I never wrote it.
I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm getting married tomorrow.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
Every one of those sentences is exactly how I feel.
Also this is how I feel: !!!!!!!!!!
Also this is how I feel: ???????
Also this is how I feel: I love Josh(there wasn't a punctuation mark for that)
Also this is how I feel: NOT TIRED (or that)
I am so happy. I am so impatient. I am so lucky. I am so getting married.
Here's a sentence that I hate in any capacity "I literally..."
Just about any words could be places after those two and I would cringe. Here is a fake statistic:
95% of the people who use the word "literally" are using it wrong.
But even now, it's to the point where any time that word comes up, I wince. I always second guess it. I always have a mental debate with myself: Okay, did she really laugh for thirty seconds, because it seems pretty reasonable. Let me count out thirty seconds in my head. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 That's a lot of seconds!
And even if it is reasonable and they totally are serious about whatever it is they're talking about, I still think "blech." I know, it's horribly rude of me. I really don't dislike the people who use it, I promise.
BUT I will most likely never use this word. And if I do, what I'm saying is completely accurate and without exaggeration. Literally.
There is a quote I have heard more than once that says something about what you want to do defines who you are. Like if you wake up in the morning and all you want to do is write, then you're a writer. Maybe there is more to that quote, but I kind of hate it so much and it makes me want to throw things at walls.
Because there are times when I think that if I sit down at my laptop and write, then something brilliant will pop out that makes me rich and famous. And lots of times I feel like I should want to be writing all the time, because that's what the quote says I should want to do. But usually when I wake up in the morning, all I want to do is sleep. And if I'm sitting around thinking of fun ideas, it's mostly food related. Does anyone want to pay me to sleep and eat? Because apparently that's my greatest passion in life.
I've been thinking a lot about writing lately, and particularly about how I haven't done much of it. Especially since one of my great friends with an incredible talent for writing invited me to write for a new blog. I am thrilled and excited and so terrified. I am taking it on as a real job without the pay and maybe not as much time put into it, but I want it to be something good that I will be proud of. But the only thing I can think of to write about is how to effectively incorporate "baby narwhal saver" into this post. I think I did a pretty good job of that though, so I'm feeling pretty successful.
Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying that I'm planning on writing more on here. I can't guarantee that it is good or that it will even actually happen. But there it is.
Also, here is my life right now: I go to work, I plan my wedding, I watch the NBA playoffs. It's pretty awesome.
Also also, I started another blog that is all wedding related that will eventually have all kinds of information about it that people I know might care about. But as of yet, it pretty much has nothing. So I'm not telling you what it is yet.
Also also also, if anyone has any input on what I should write about for my friend's blog, let me know. It should be something that isn't me related, because that's not as important to the rest of the world. Maybe I should think about that for my own blog...
Ok ok, I know what you guys really want. Clearly I fully disappointed you all with the last post, but in my defense I was busy being in California lounging on the beach and having a wonderful time with my fiancé. . Ha! Fiancé! So cool. Oh! Fun fact! Apparently when there is only one e on fiancé, it's a man who is engaged. Two e's is a woman. So there you go. You don't really care, do you? Moving on.
To many of my friends, this probably seems completely out of the blue. And the only reason it doesn't seem out of the blue is because some people had a warning before hand. I was too excited, and I couldn't shut my mouth! But some background seems necessary, so here it goes.
Josh and I have been in the same ward since August. We were in the same FHE family fall semester and I thought he was cool and pretty cute, but he had a girlfriend, so I didn't think too much about it. Eventually I found out they broke up, but I still didn't think too much about it. Over Christmas break, he very smoothly asked for my phone number over Facebook. He's a classy one :) and we started texting. A lot. Mainly because of him. I loved talking to him ... but still was pretty clueless that he might be interested.
In January he asked me out for the first time to go on a double date with him and his roommate Bryson. We went to Zupas and had a contest to make the best dessert, which we clearly won. Then we watched some Psych which is always beautiful. I had a good time, but the next time he asked me out I refused like a jerk. I'm a jerk, you guys.
I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details of everything else that happened because it makes me seem horrible and awful and bad and I really wasn't trying to be. Basically, Josh knew he liked me a lot for some crazy reason, and I was too distracted by everything that was going on in my life and kept telling him no. And then maybe. And then no. And then yes, and then no and then maybe and then I don't know! Life is hard. And all throughout this time we were still hanging out and texting and talking every day. He was my best friend.
One Sunday I had a nice, long talk with the Bishop and he set me straight. He put everything into perspective for me and made me realize that I did not want to be without him and that Josh is awesome and I should probably date him. So I told him that, and he said ok. Am I rambling? I think I am. Sorry for those of you who might not make it through this post. Also, don't judge me for this next part...
Three weeks later, he put a ring on my finger. I know, that's sooooo BYU. But I don't care! We have been friends for a long time and I knew him and loved him so much as a friend already, that once we started dating it wasn't hard to take that leap. But I'm sure you want to know how it happened, so ...
Neither one of us really cared about what temple we got married in because I moved around my whole life and he just doesn't want to get married in Manti. We wanted something central to most of the family and I had been to the Draper Temple open house and it is relatively new and beautiful. We wanted to check it out in person, so on Thursday before we left for California we went to visit it and see what we thought. We walked around the whole thing and I think it's different and beautiful and modern and I loooooved it. So we sat down on a bench and looked at some flowers and this conversation happened:
Josh: So what do you think?
Erica: Well what do you think? Do you like it?
Josh: I asked you first. Do you want to get married here.
Erica: (I think I nodded my head or something)
Josh: Well, if this is where we're getting married, then we might as well get started.
Then he pulled out a ring and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and I said "Yeah I will!" and then he said other sweet things that are quite frankly none of your business.
Some random woman wanted to look at my ring as we were leaving. It was funny and cute and I was excited about it. My jaw hurt from smiling so much that day. I think we blew some people's minds when we told them. It was only three weeks to them, although it had been more to us.
So that's how it happened. I loved it. I love him. Josh is my whole world and I am so excited to be married to him.
So I have this friend. Her name is Liz. I've talked about her before because I named her car once. Liz is awesome. Liz has a blog and a dream. She wants to review books. Isn't that awesome? I think it's super awesome.
The thing is though that there's this website you can sign up and they send you books and you can review them on your blog. Unfortunately, the masses of the internet are less than intelligent and therefore she doesn't have a huge fanbase for her blog. She should though. Because she's a talented writer and witty and awesome and really, Internet, you're kind of a jerk sometimes. Anyway, to be a reviewer, you need 30 followers on your blog, and as previously mentioned, Liz doesn't have that yet.
http://polkadotsock.wordpress.com/
So that link is for her blog. On the bottom left corner of the screen there's a follow button. Click the button. Follow her blog. Read her posts. She's really amazing and I want to read her book reviews. Thanks, you're a peach (in a wheelbarrow).
p.s. I have 27 followers and I would maybe possibly also like to review books... so you know... follow me too if you want.
p.p.s. have another one of these, because it's my favorite
To whom it may concern, namely the four people using the ten-minute computers in the Talmage:
First of all, I would like to say to all of you that all I wanted was to simply print out a one-page reading assignment for my class that started in 14 minutes. After Waiting for approximately six of those minutes, I gave up and went to the library. It took me about one minute of computer time to print out my homework. I know that technically the allotted time is ten minutes, but seriously, you were all taking too long for ridiculous reasons. Here is why
Guy number one: This computer is right next to a printer. And yet there you are, casually checking your email as if you have all the time in the world. Go to the library or something. There are hundreds of computers there that have nobody waiting behind them.
Guy number two: Ok, so it seems like you want to print, so that is understandable at least. But I see you adding headings and footnotes and you're formatting and seriously did you write your whole paper on this thing? I feel like you could have written your name on the top earlier.
Girl: I felt bad for you for a second because your computer was slow and gmail was not loading for you. And then I saw you were using Internet Explorer. No wonder it wasn't loading. Go back to 1998 where you belong.
Guy number three: Are you seriously looking at code right now? Who does that?
So thank you, time wasters, for having such ridiculous methods of wasting my time. Now that I've written this out it seems a little more bitter than I meant. Really I'm just trying to be funny. Have a lovely day,
I don't know who came up with these, but I love them. Ryan Gosling is beautiful. Remember when he was on Remember the Titans? haha remember... K sorry. He was so adorable though.
Also this one:
You know another new favorite thing of mine? These things:
It's good to know there are other people out there who have the same appreciation for deep pictures and meaningful, emotional words that I do. And by that I mean zero. Zero appreciation. I have all kinds of respect for these altered versions though.
So I don't know if you were curious about the things that are currently making me laugh, but these are it. Also I want to watch Lars and the Real Girl. Also my finger nails are cool colored right now. I don't even know what colors. Tealish? Maybe sort of aquamariney? They are two different colors. If that helps.
So yesterday I called my parents because I didn't call them on Sunday. My thought process was that even though I try to call them every Sunday, they live in Utah now, so I don't have to call them anymore. But then on Monday I was sad that I hadn't talked to my parents so I picked up the dang phone and called them. I can talk to my mama and pops if I want to, ok? Get off my back about it. I told them I didn't have school or work on Tuesday because the universe is simultaneously loving and hating me right now. Then my mom was all, "well if you don't have anything tomorrow, why don't you want to hang out with us?" And I was like "Shoot, girl. Who said I didn't want to hang out with you? Let's partyyyyyy." Those were probably not my exact words.
Moms and pops picked me up from my apartment and took me to browse new phones at the Verizon store, which I'm super hyped about. Then we went to lunch at Magleby's Fresh. Highlight of that trip: I learned that when you spill your mom's water all down the front of your jeans, your parents mainly just laugh at you. But also you mainly just laugh at you because it's pretty laughable. And cold.
Next stop: Bowling in the wilk. We walked around the bookstore first and Mama thought it would be fun to tour EVERY building at BYU. Which is a little weird, because, you know, she went to BYU and has kids that went there and has pretty much been in every building. I mean, she used to take naps in the ROTC bathroom. You can't really get more familiar than that. But then we bowled, and dad didn't have his own ball or shoes and it was pretty much disastrous for everybody.
But that top score is mine. Deal with it, parents. Also I gave everyone their bowling names. Me: The Sprinkler (as always) Pops: The Colonel (what else?) Mama: Melby Tuesday (of course). Oma didn't play the second game and I didn't take a picture of it because it was basically just my father rocking my face all over the bowling alley. He crushed me into the dirt. That's how pops rolls.
After that I talked my dad into buying me an ice cream cone. I felt like I was 6 again. It was magical. Mint brownie perfection.
Here's the thing: having my dearest life givers in Utah is pretty great. They're gonna be living here and I realized that means I can just go bother them. Be like, "what up, pops! want me to kick your butt in some racquetball?" any time I want! Unless they live real far away. Then I guess not. Unless I move in with them. Then I guess so. I guess we'll just never know, will we?
Despite my lovely day, my night killed it all. The love of my life, Bruce, also known as my 2004 Ford Focus, decided he hated me tonight, and just quit. Despite the efforts of me, Kendra, James, and Scott (really just Scott's presence), we could not get that key turned. Of course, Gary Keck (Superman) strolls up to it and gets that dang thing started. He just doesn't take no for an answer. Just another reason why he's the best most magical man I know. But now I have to get my car figured out and fixed and whatnot and blah blah blah grumpy grumpy ugh. This post took a sour turn. Let me try to redeem myself.
My friends are awesome! My life is wonderful! My parents are rock stars! I love everything!
Kendra: Listen to this new song by Cady Groves. (She then proceeds to tell me her whole life story)
She's gonna be in Salt Lake on Wednesday! I would love to be able to go.
Me: What?! Why aren't you going?
Kendra: I don't have a car.
Me: Well let's go.
-- The look on her face at that moment was priceless. As though it isn't even possible that I could recommend such a thing.
Kendra: Erica! You don't understand. I love her! That would make my whole life.
Me: I think I do understand, Keng. Which is why let's go.
Kendra: Erica!
Me: Keng!
I don't necessarily have all the wording exactly right, and I definitely cut down the amount of times Keng looked at me with that disbelieving expression and said "Erica!" It was pretty hilarious. Needless to say, tickets were purchased, plans were made, and on Wednesday Katherine, Keng, and I were headed up to Salt Lake to rock out faces off to some Cady Groves. Oh and Hot Chelle Rae! Surprise, they were the headliners.
We hit up a bit of Salt Lake first though. It was beautiful and magical and everything I dreamed it would be. Here is our lovely little party wagon (did I just call us a party wagon?)
I know, I know. I am rocking those turquoise skinny jeans. Don't hate.
I know approximately two Hot Chelle Rae songs, but they are awesome songs. I know approximately zero about the band too, but that's ok. I learned some stuff. For example:
1. The lead singer is Ryan Follese. He likes to wear bandannas. I know he likes to wear them because he was wearing one at the concert. It looked fresh.
2. The main guitar guy is Nash Overstreet. If you watch Glee, like I used to before I realized how very much I hated it, you might know of Sam. Nash Overstreet is his brother. Also, I like him more. He has pierced ears, which is weird.
3. They have all been friends and/or related for a long time. Probably the related ones have been related longer than the friend ones have been friends. I can not confirm or deny that though.
4. They have a lot of incredibly obnoxious fans that I want to punch in the face, but it's difficult because I'm too busy trying to get them to stop touching me.
5. People are jerks.
Ain't they precious?
I don't know much about Cady Groves either, but I learned some things about her too:
1. She's super funny and suuuuuper tiny. She had a little booster stand on stage. It was cute.
2. She buys a hat every day.
3. She totally handled it well when people were asking her who she was and being awful.
4. People are jerks.
I really, really want to be able to express via the internet the expectations vs. reality of dancing at a concert. Basically you're there and you're rocking out and you feel like "oh yeah this is awesome I feel great wait why do I have my hands up like a T-Rex right now am I bouncing up and down in one tiny space oh no I look like a fool!"
So anyway, the whole experience was super great. Cady Groves talked to Keng directly, which basically made her life and I totally made eye contact with Nash, no bigs.
AAAAANNNNNNDDDD here's the part of the post where I spit out random other events in my life:
Yesterday my friend told me that I am Liz Lemon. This both was incredibly flattering and made me feel ridiculous amounts of pressure to be funny all the time and declared right then and there my retirement from comedy. Also I'm hoping the Liz Lemon thing was more of like a Tina Fey thing, cause let's face it, Liz Lemon is kind of a total disaster.
My parents are officially in Utah. I am sooooo pumped. Sell them a house, please.
I got beautiful flowers and delicious chocolates on Valentine's Day from a secret someone and it made my whole day/year/life. So thanks. You know who you are.
If you were wondering how many ounces of Dr. Pepper I have had today, it's 48. Did I have to add 32 and 16 on a calculator to get that answer? Of course I did.
My hair is pretty short, but it makes a pretty great mustache. Deal with it.
So in my favorite class today (Linguistics and the Media, not to be confused with my other favorite class, Psycholinguistics) we read a study about how in the nineties, teenagers used to use all in the quotative sense, as in "I was all, 'oh no you didn't,'" but now we all use like. The ensuing discussion in class was so comically frustrating that I kind of never want to talk again. Because when you're talking about the word like, every single time that word is uttered, you flinch. And then you realize, or at least I realize, that I say it a lot. A lot. And I've been trying really hard not to, but it's really difficult. The discussion today also reminded me of this:
You're right, Mos Def. I do like this cat a lot.
We also talked about slang phrases in the nineties that aren't really used anymore, and I'm thinking that some of them really need to be incorporated back into my speech. Mainly "all that and a bag of chips." Because really, how else am I supposed to explain how cool that guy is? He's so cool that you need to add a snack food just to describe it! So get ready to hear that if you spend any time with me. It's gonna be so gnarly.
Other things going on with me:
1. I went snowmobiling for the first time ever, and here's what I learned: I love snowmobiling. It's awesome. It's all that and a bag of chips. Salt and vinegar chips. Because we all know they're the best.
2. My nephew, Joel, turns two on Saturday. That's so awesome. How did it even happen? Crazy pants.
3. This week is dang busy, but it's only because I have a lot of social events going on. So basically, thanks, friends, for wanting to hang out with me. I super appreciate it.
4. I'm a little too concerned about zombies right now. But it's making me really prepared for the future. The dark, dreadful, post-apocalyptic future.
5. I'm babysitting my nephews tonight and we're gonna paaaartaaay. Probably by watching The Lion King. Don't hate.
6. Lately I have been having some beautiful talks with some beautiful people. And I've decided/discovered some beautiful things. First, don't make decisions based on how other people feel about them. Second, work harder on liking myself before I try to make others like me. Third, junk food and I have an unhealthy relationship. I'm working on it.
7. I always make fun of my mom and her list making fanatacism (fanatacism is probably not a word, but I think you get it). But, clearly I need to worry about the beam sticking out of my eye first. Lists are awesome.
8. My parents are in Mexico swimming with sting rays and having an awesome time and not only am I jealous, but I MISS THEM. I keep pulling out my phone to text my mom and then I remember I can't. Sad face. And she told me I could email her, but I'm sorry, mama, I don't remember things that long.
So there you go. I explained Cockney English to someone today. That was cool.
I've been having trouble thinking about things to write lately, as evidenced by my most recent facebook status. But I have gotten a few suggestions, so I'm going to see how I do with those, and also whatever else happens to run through my mind right now.
For one, my mom wants me to write about more things I've learned in college. (Also my mom wants me to talk about her. Isn't my mom the best? She's the best. Here is a text conversation we had the other day:
Me: You're a weirdo
Mama: Not a weirdo the beardo
Me: What are you even talking about?
Mama: Rhyming
end of conversation. Seriously, mama? I love you)
So let's do some of those.
what number did I leave off on last time? Let me check ... apparently I'm on
24. Sushi is crazy delicious. I wish I had learned that sooner than last semester, but also I'm glad I didn't so I didn't spend money on it until now. I need to stop spending money on sushi.
25. Sometimes dates are really fun. Other times dates are really awkward. Other other times they are really, really bad. Like call your roommate from the bathroom and tell her to save you bad. Ok, I've never had one that bad, but I've been close. But no matter how bad the date seems at the time, they always come in handy later when you're having a bad date story competition. Plus, you usually get free food, which is nice.
Sidenote: Anyone reading this who I may have gone on a date with recently, don't worry, I'm not talking about you. I had a lovely time. It's been a long time since I have had a truly awful date.
26. There are weak moments in college when all you want is a big pan of brownies. I would suggest inviting over some friends so that you don't experience the shame of staring at an empty brownie pan that not one other person partook in. If you find yourself in this situation, tell no one.
27. There are some people that you may run into on campus or somewhere around Provo and you haven't seen them in a while and you say things like, "Oh my goodness! How are you?? It's been forever! You look great! We should totally get together some time soon! Hooray!" It's really enthusiastic and peppy and you will never hang out with this person. You probably don't even know how to get a hold of them. Don't worry. They have no intention of hanging out with you either.
28. It's a really good to have friends that are willing to spend most every second of the day with you. Like this girl maybe:
Love her. That being said, don't actually spend every second of the day with them because then they might get sick of you or realize you're some kind of freak. Plus you should be at work or school or something. I mean, what are you doing with your life? geez.
And as a fun little twist, here are some things that I haven't learned:
1. Math. Not one single math class in my four years of college. It's my way of sticking it to the man. Who is that man, you may ask? I don't know. I guess I never learned that either.
2. How to share food. I try so hard to be kind and share my stuff and I really don't care if my friends use my dishes, my hair straightener, or borrow my clothes. But I will shun you for a year if you touch my leftover Cafe Rio. But seriously, I gotta start sharing those brownies.
3. How to not hate getting up early. I had four years of early morning seminary. I woke up every single day of my high school years at five in the morning. I had nearly perfect attendance, and would usually get there early. I was generally in high spirits when I was there. So now, how is it that I can't even fathom getting up before 7? Sometimes I even attempt it with abysmal failure. It is just stupid how early that is. Nobody should have to live like that. How could I even do that? Oh. I went to bed at 9. Yeah that's probably it.
And that's enough with that, because I would probably be embarrassed to admit how much I am still trying to learn. Let's just talk about a few more things and then I promise I'll leave you alone.
Katherine Pearson. I love you. We follow each other on Twitter, and I feel like that's a really special bond. Also I've heard people tell you that you look like Selena Gomez, and sometimes people tell me I look like Selena Gomez. So I'm deciding that means we like alike only you're like way beautiful.
Trevor Antley, why do we not hang out? We need to. Although, based on my own knowledge of college we never will again. Knowledge of college was rhymey. Oh no, I'm turning into my mother.
As a final act of solidarity to my childhood, I am re-reading the Harry Potter series. Because I'm a senior in college and I do what I want.
On January 28th, we're having a half-off sale at Duke's Jewelers. I work there. You should come buy things from me. Valentine's Day is coming up. Just saying.
Hey, friends. Hang out with me all the time, ok? Thanks.
Wait! Just ONE more thing.
This is my new favorite song. I heard it on Real Steel, which was a surprisingly good movie. You should listen to it because I just love it so much. I'm really sorry this post is never-ending. Except for it is ending . . . right now.
Comic Sans? Really? How is anyone supposed to take you seriously?
Just trying to help,
Erica
Dear girl who looks like she's studying at 8 in the morning,
You're making the rest of us look bad. Have you even gone to class yet?
Take it down a notch,
Erica
Dear cell phone,
I'm really sorry I left you home today. I probably missed you more than you missed me. Thanks for showing me you still care by rewarding me with 5 texts.
Never again,
Erica
Dear friends who texted me because they knew I forgot my cell phone,
Way to make my life.
I'm a lucky girl,
Erica
Dear schedule,
Classes end at twelve? Now that is a beautiful thing. Only three classes this semester? Even better.
Maybe I'll get better grades,
Erica
Dear ELang Senior course,
Linguistics and the Media? Not to go all Chandler Bing on you or anything, but could you be any more perfect? The professor showed clips of Modern Family and The Office on the first day. This is going to be a great semester.
Deal with it.
