.

.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Pursuit of Happiness


So I read that article that was written about the 23 things you should do instead of getting engaged before you're 23. I have been debating with myself for a little while about whether I wanted to write about this subject publicly. I am definitely one who doesn't like to voice opinions too strongly. In the internet world, I like to take the role of Switzerland.

Originally, the post upset me, because I feel like there was nothing on that list that is better than getting married. But in the long run it just made me think. A lot. And I feel like if I've really been thinking about it that much, then I should just say what I have to say.

First of all, I am not here to convince anyone to get married at any certain age. The thing about people is that every single one of them is different. Some people are ready to get married when they are 18. Some aren't ready when they're 45. And while I would encourage marriage to anybody who asked me personally, because I believe that it brings happiness that you can't even comprehend until you experience it, I wouldn't try to push anyone into it.

Marriage is about love and trust. It's about two people putting their spouse's needs in front of their own. It's about learning how to listen and compromise and be more selfless than you've ever been before. One of my home teachers once told me something that I have always really loved. He said that when you're dating, you're allowed to be selfish. You don't have to compromise your standards or beliefs, and you don't have to keep dating somebody if you have an issue. But when you're married, you have to be selfless. You have picked this person, and they are your person. It is no longer time to be picky, and you have to love that person for everything that they are.

Basically, marriage is hard. And it's a challenge no matter how old you are when you get married. There is never going to be a magical time when both people are perfect and happy all the time. What's important is learning how to fix the problems that come instead of just giving up on them right away.

On a personal level, my wonderful husband was taken from me less than four months after turning 23.

I try not to have regrets or blame myself for anything that happened or anything I did. I tell myself that it was Josh's time to go, and nothing that I could have done would have saved him.

But one of my biggest heartaches still comes from a regret I have.
I wish every day that I could have met him sooner.
That I would have started dating him sooner.
That we would have gotten married sooner.
That I would have had more time with him.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I know I will be reunited with my husband. I know we will have more time than I can even comprehend to be together. But I was really hoping for a lot more time in this life.

So like I said, if you don't want to get married before you're 23, then don't.

But no matter what the cause or the reason, if you have a chance in this life to be truly happy, then I think you should cling to that happiness as hard as you can. You just never know what life might bring your way.


7 comments:

  1. This is so sweet, Erica. Thank you for writing it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an awesome perspective. Keep writing, you have a real talent for it! And I think your words are helping all of us feel a little more peace about Josh's tragic passing. Wishing you happiness....

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are truly an incredibly strong and faithful woman. Many will look up to you for years to come. Keep the faith.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I read that same article and it bothered me too! Everyone has their own prescription of how we should live and how we should approach relationships. We each have our own circumstances that are right for us. I loved your comments and your perspective. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just love. You. Your writing. Your faith, and hope, and everything in between. We have never met but you are in my prayers. Always.

    ReplyDelete