Pursuit of Happiness

So I read that article that was written about the 23 things you should do instead of getting engaged before you're 23. I have been debating with myself for a little while about whether I wanted to write about this subject publicly. I am definitely one who doesn't like to voice opinions too strongly. In the internet world, I like to take the role of Switzerland.

Originally, the post upset me, because I feel like there was nothing on that list that is better than getting married. But in the long run it just made me think. A lot. And I feel like if I've really been thinking about it that much, then I should just say what I have to say.

First of all, I am not here to convince anyone to get married at any certain age. The thing about people is that every single one of them is different. Some people are ready to get married when they are 18. Some aren't ready when they're 45. And while I would encourage marriage to anybody who asked me personally, because I believe that it brings happiness that you can't even comprehend until you experience it, I wouldn't try to push anyone into it.

Marriage is about love and trust. It's about two people putting their spouse's needs in front of their own. It's about learning how to listen and compromise and be more selfless than you've ever been before. One of my home teachers once told me something that I have always really loved. He said that when you're dating, you're allowed to be selfish. You don't have to compromise your standards or beliefs, and you don't have to keep dating somebody if you have an issue. But when you're married, you have to be selfless. You have picked this person, and they are your person. It is no longer time to be picky, and you have to love that person for everything that they are.

Basically, marriage is hard. And it's a challenge no matter how old you are when you get married. There is never going to be a magical time when both people are perfect and happy all the time. What's important is learning how to fix the problems that come instead of just giving up on them right away.

On a personal level, my wonderful husband was taken from me less than four months after turning 23.

I try not to have regrets or blame myself for anything that happened or anything I did. I tell myself that it was Josh's time to go, and nothing that I could have done would have saved him.

But one of my biggest heartaches still comes from a regret I have.
I wish every day that I could have met him sooner.
That I would have started dating him sooner.
That we would have gotten married sooner.
That I would have had more time with him.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I know I will be reunited with my husband. I know we will have more time than I can even comprehend to be together. But I was really hoping for a lot more time in this life.

So like I said, if you don't want to get married before you're 23, then don't.

But no matter what the cause or the reason, if you have a chance in this life to be truly happy, then I think you should cling to that happiness as hard as you can. You just never know what life might bring your way.

Love Story

My first date with Josh was in January of 2012. We went to Zupas and his hand was broken and it was a really fun time. But most people already know the part of the story where I wasn't really into him yet. 

But I did slowly start spending all my time with him, and never actually wanted to tell him I wasn't interested because I didn't want him to start spending time with anyone else.

Yeah...  I obviously wasn't into him.

I'm an idiot.

After a lot of confusion and ridiculous denial on my part, we officially started dating on March 18th. It was a Sunday, and it was after a long talk with my bishop. Cause I'm cool like that. That day I asked him to date me while we drove to my brother's house to hang out with my family. See, he was already spending time with my family. Did I mention I'm an idiot?

That Friday we went to his family's house for the weekend. The last time I met his family was at his brother Nate's farewell, and there were a million other friends there, and I wasn't super important because I was just one of many random friends. But I remembered them being nice. This weekend was obviously way different because it was just me, and Josh had been griping to his family for months about this super cool girl who wouldn't date him and what was her problem. 

When we got to his house, nobody was home. I promise we were very well behaved, but he did kiss me for the first time while we waited for somebody to get home. Immediately after that he told me he loved me. Then he asked if that freaked me out too much, and I was like, "Not too much." But in my head I was like 

But I didn't run away so yay!

We spent the day with his family and it was super fun. They loved me because of course :) Just kidding! But I did love them. And I still do.

That night we stayed up late talking about the future and what we wanted out of life and our goals with just so similar. I didn't feel stupid talking about whatever came to my mind and I felt so comfortable. Right before we said goodnight, something clicked in my mind. This boy was my very best friend. He was the kindest, sweetest, best guy who treated me better than any boy I ever dated or any friend I ever had. He cared for me so much and I felt that every day, which is probably why I always wanted to be around him. He was not the kind of person I ever imagined falling for, but that's just because he was everything that I needed, and it was so much better than I thought I wanted. I suddenly realized that I loved him too. It was scary and seemed crazy, but I told him. 

His face was perfect. It was so happy and so relieved and it made me laugh a little bit, but it was just such a sweet moment. I had been really worried when he told me he loved me because I wasn't sure how I felt. But Josh and I still joke about how I was so clearly oblivious to my own feelings, because I am pretty sure I loved him a lot longer than I knew.

And then the next day I told him I wanted to marry him, and then it was his turn to be freaked out. Good times.

I wanted to share this story because I think it shows Josh's character. He was so willing to love and care for anyone. He made everyone feel so special because when he was talking to you, you felt like the most important person in the world. I don't even know how I got so lucky to have him fall in love with me, but I am so glad that he did.