Itchy Woman

People keep asking me what my due date is.
And I go "Well..."

I didn't think it was going to be a complicated answer, and it's really not, but I feel obligated to explain it every time I'm asked and then I feel like I'm confusing everyone. It's like when people ask me where I'm from. I have an answer, but it's longer than people expect and they probably don't care that much about my life if they're just barely meeting me.

"Well actually my dad was in the Army, so I'm not really sure where I'm from. We moved around a lot. I was born in California, but I only lived there until I was four months old ... "

And they're thinking they're sorry they asked, and why don't I just pick a place and stick with it. But I don't feel like that's honest, and it bothers me when people think I'm from Virginia, when there are so many other places I have called home.

It's like that.

My due date is January 1st. New Years baby! So exciting!

But this baby is definitely coming in December. Somewhere in the 10th-17th range. Known to Josh as finals week. Which makes it that much more awesome.

At the end of September, I started feeling really itchy. There was one night when it kept me up for a little while. It was annoying, but I didn't think much of it.

It got worse. Another night I don't even remember sleeping. Josh wakes up at 5:30am to get ready to teach Seminary, and I woke up with him, practically in tears over how itchy and uncomfortable I was.

I still thought it was nothing. Being itchy doesn't seem like anything to fuss over. But Josh is smarter than me and he made me call the doctor. I told them what was going on, and they said to come in right away and get lab work done for something called Cholestasis, which I discovered—with the help of Google—was a liver disease. So that sounded terrifying.

We did the lab work on a Thursday, and the following Monday I was diagnosed with the scary liver disease. They explained that it meant that my body produces bile acids that should be handled and gotten rid of by my liver and gall bladder, but they weren't working properly. So I have too much acid. Which means the baby can have too much. Which means nothing good. And also means that the acids get into my blood stream and make me itchy, which is pretty weird.

I was prescribed medicine to help with the itching, and sent to a perinatologist (high risk pregnancy doctor) to make sure everything was going okay. 

I found out that I would have to start doing non stress tests at 32 weeks (which has now been changed to 30 weeks (just because that's what my doctor decided)) and would probably be induced somewhere around 37 to 38 weeks. Obviously, it something is wrong at one of my tests, or I notice the baby isn't moving, he would come right away. But essentially, we will just need to monitor him and make sure everything is fine. Once I deliver, it will go right away. The baby should be fine.

It's all very scary to me. It makes me very nervous. It doesn't help that I have an increased chance of C-section because it's my first baby. I am constantly worried that things are okay. I start freaking out when I haven't been paying close attention and can't remember the last time he kicked me. Sometimes I'm super itchy still and that makes me anxious too.

BUT. I truly believe that everything will be okay. The baby will be fine. I will be fine. I have felt many moments of peace and trust in the Lord. I have overwhelming comfort and support from my husband and my family, and I know things will work out. 

I know that it would have been easier for me to write about this later, when I have that sweet boy in my arms and know that he is doing well. In hindsight it is easy to bear testimony about things working out. But I feel that it takes a lot of courage for me to say right now that I have faith that things will work out. That I know even if something terrible happens, that there is a plan for us laid down by Heavenly Father. I am very sure that I will be able to raise my boy in this life, but if I'm not so lucky, I know we will be together again for eternity. 

I have felt very close to my Heavenly Father lately. I know He is with me and watching over me and my baby. President Thomas S. Monson said in General Conference two weeks ago, "Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, He is with us. He has promised that this will never change." 

Our Deepest Fear

I just joined my wife's blog and I hope that I can add some more uplifting and inspiring messages to her already wonderful blog. Understanding and eliminating fear has been on my mind a lot recently.

We are held back by #fear not #limitations. #BeFearless #FalseEvidenceAppearingReal #BelieveInYourself… http://t.co/SurUp3MCYC
— Max Lora (@MaxGFXGenius) June 4, 2013

Our Deepest Fear

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking #ElderHolland #LDSconf
— LDS Quotes (@LDSquotable) October 5, 2013

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about SHRINKING

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give

other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our FEAR,

our presence automatically liberates others.

Feelings of #inadequacy are just #feelings, unless you give them #validity. Wade thru ur #emotions b4 they drown u. #BraveHearts #NoFear
— Fior Baptiste I (@ForEvrHuStLR) October 7, 2013

When all is said and done, if none of this helped you with fear please remember THIS.

Big, HUGE news (but not really)

So Josh and I have decided on the next step in our relationship.

It's a pretty huge deal.

Life changing even.

I've asked Josh to be an author on this blog. I will give you a moment to take in the news.

...

Okay, you should be good now. I am so excited! Maybe that way there will ever be posts on here. But also, his first post is one he has to do for school, so if it seems kind of crazy, just try not to fly too far off the handle. But it should be good anyway because he's wonderful.

Also, be nice to him all the time always.

Also General Conference was so good, you guys! The Church is true and we have a prophet on the earth! What kind of news is that to hear? Best kind.