One year later

A  year ago this month I was sitting in my house preparing to watch General Conference. I was looking forward to some much needed guidance and comfort from the mouthpieces of the Lord. I had a question in my heart that I was hopeful would be answered at some point in the eight hours of instruction I was about to receive. After months of heartache and confusion, my only question was, "How do I be happy?"

The first talk in the Sunday morning session was given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He mentioned many situations that can cause us to be unhappy, including the loss of a spouse and other difficult and heartbreaking circumstances. He then stated,

Everyone’s situation is different, and the details of each life are unique. Nevertheless, I have learned that there is something that would take away the bitterness that may come into our lives. There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious.
We can be grateful!

That one paragraph would have been enough for me to know that Heavenly Father was looking after me, but the rest of the talk continued to fill me with peace and give me hope and joy for the future. It is a talk that I read over often, any time I need a better outlook on life. I have always looked forward to general conference, because I have always felt better after it.

This year was different, only in that it has been better than I have ever known conference to be. I have already received so much insight and guidance from the speakers. Sister Burton caused me to shed a significant amount of tears as I remembered the amazing example of my husband Josh, and gave me hope for the future that I might find another worthy priesthood holder to go through life with. L. Whitney Clayton reminded me to choose to believe. He said that "if we search for it, there will always be a spiritual light that beckons to us." Faith does not act on us, we must act on it. Many talks emphasized the importance of  families.

As many of you know, in the second session of General Conference today, during the sustaining of the general authorities, there was a cry of opposition for our dear prophet and the apostles. I was immediately struck with a feeling of shock and anger, even before I fully realized what was going on. It followed with overwhelming sadness and anxiety at this unexpected event. Most importantly, I felt as though the spirit had suddenly fled from me. After all the uplifting messages from the morning, I was feeling lost in my anger. Of course these people have a right to oppose, they have a right to declare that they do not support the prophet, but it was upsetting to hear them yell it in that room that I expected to be full of love and reverence. But ultimately that's all those people were really saying. While we sustain our prophet, and show support for the direction and teachings that he gives, these people choose not to. Okay. That's no problem of mine.

What I did find is that the Lord can make good out of any situation. Because of the outcry, I was more alert, and listened more intently to the rest of the talks. The feeling of the spirit quickly returned to me in full force during Elder Bednar's talk. He reminded me that "Jesus Christ is the only source of enduring peace," and that through an understanding of the gospel and faith in Him, our fears can be hushed. Elder Wilford advised that we have to "hear the music" and listen for the Holy Ghost. Listen for the confirmation from the Lord. Listen to our loved ones so we may better know how to help them. "We can only displace darkness when we introduce light." We sang "we Thank Thee, O God, For a Prophet," and I felt so thankful for these men that lead us. I felt a strong confirmation that they are men of God and I wholeheartedly sustain them.

There are talks from previous conferences that I will always remember. But never have I felt so moved throughout the entire day of listening to the words of our prophets and teachers. I must have suddenly become a better listener. I wish I could properly convey to you how this gospel makes me feel. I wish there were words to explain this feeling in my heart. All I can say is that I have heard truth today, and I am changed because of it.