.

.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Troika Linda

I have serious and important things to write, but I'm in Flowell and don't have my computer. So I tried to write in on my phone and I want to use so many (at least four) pictures so that was a joke. Luckily there are computers in this house, who woulda thunk?

I know this girl


pretty well. I mean she's only been my sister my entire life, and she gave me my favorite stuffed animal (a big ol', cuddly mouse) for Christmas when I was two. So you could say we're familiar.


















When I was little, I didn't think there was a better goal in life than being just like her. I always tried my very hardest to spend all the time with her and her friends learning how to be the most awesome, and was promptly kicked out of the room. But it's okay, she liked me eventually. Coming to college and having her to hang out with and make me feel like I already had at least one friend, the coolest friend, helped me believe that I could handle what life had to throw at me.

Even now it's hard for me to not see her as the foremost authority on everything as far as how awesome it is. I remember having a conversation with my sweet sister-in-law Kimberly who had to tell me that very thing. Because obviously we were arguing about whether Taylor Swift was good, and obviously my best argument was that "Tracy likes her." (Tracy, do you even still like her?) And Kimbop was all, "Tracy isn't always right about everything" or something like that and I just laughed it off, but my mind had this reaction.

Phoebe finds out that Santa isn't real..

And I pretty much still just think that if Tracy likes something, it's probably the best version of whatever thing it is she likes. That sentence made sense.

She has the MOST style of anyone I've met. Even on days when she's thinks she's so lazy and looks like a hobo, she looks more put together than I am on my best day. It's pretty frustrating actually. Oh, and have you heard of her modeling career? It mostly takes place on social media, but it's pretty amazing just the same.



She's doing laundry in this one. How is that even fair??

But the most important thing is that she is a good sister who is kind and loving and wonderful. When Josh died, she hurt so much right along with me. She is still all the time telling me how much she misses him and is there  for me when I need her. She lets me be sad and cry at her and welcomes it. The first time after it happened that I laughed so hard I cried and felt comforted was with her watching The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. He had that Benjamin Buttons thing. It was the first moment that I felt like things had the potential to get better. I just love her is all.

I'm telling you all this for a reason. That reason is this:


My sister is getting married to this man and his beard. After everything I've said about how good her taste is and how awesome she is, do you think she was settle for any less than the best? He is so good for her. I can see how he loves her. I can see how she loves him. If he reads this, he is probably just gagging at all the cheesiness in what I'm writing. I don't even care, Destin! Thank you for loving my sister.Thank you for being the best person in the world for her. Thank you for writing your love in the sand, but using an anatomically correct heart.



Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The Catching Hunger Fire Games

I finally watched Catching Fire, and halfway through I remembered seeing the first Hunger Games movie.

I went to the midnight showing with my lovely friend Emily Zimmerman. It was the Thursday night/Friday morning after Josh and I started dating. He couldn't go because I had gotten the tickets before then and I had no idea that I would have somebody to take when the time came. As I have mentioned before, Josh told me he loved me that Friday when we went to his family's house. I had completely forgotten until about two hours ago that I had been up so late at a movie the night before.

We went to the movie, and it was great, and I was telling Emily all about this boy I was dating and somehow I had managed to smuggle a giant takeaway box (I like to say takeaway because of that one time I lived in England for six weeks) of Beto's rolled tacos into the theater. There was lettuce and guac everywhere.

On the way home, we were texting. I honestly can't remember if I texted him first, not expecting an answer, or if he texted me to see if I was okay. I do remember thinking how incredibly sweet he was to still be awake waiting up for me to make sure I got home safe. I was still telling Emily about him after the movie, and with him texting me, I looked over at my friend and said, "Emily... I think this kid loves me." And then she was like, "you've been dating for like four days." And I knew that, but it just felt like it was coming, and then we all know that it did.

So that's crazy.

For the next two minutes, it is five months ago today that Josh died.

People always say how strong I am and how amazing I've been through all of this blah blah blah.

I still believe all the things I've said before. I still know that I will see Josh again.

It's not helping at the moment.

It doesn't take away the pain.

I miss him very much.

And I am so, so sad.